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Coin Crunch will Launch India’s Best Cryptocurrency Exchange

THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE. THE ARTICLE IS A SATIRICAL TAKE ON HOW ONE CAN BE FOOLED INTO TRUSTING PLATFORMS WITH SINISTER INTENTIONS.

The new financial year starts today and what better news than to tell you that we will be launching our own Cryptocurrency exchange.

Over more than two years we have witnessed the rise and fall of several exchanges, we have dealt with multiple issues faced by users and exchanges, and we decided that we should make use of our learning and launch a top notch Crypto Exchange which will be India’s best Cryptocurrency exchange.

Here are some of the FAQs about the future Crypto Exchange

What are coins we are planning to list?

Answer: We will list everything that is listed on Binance, Okex, Bitbns, WazirX and any other exchanges combined. We will have everything on our exchange, trading pairs will be well above 10000.

What fiat currencies will be accepted?

Answer: All of them. You want to deposit USD, do it. You want INR, do it. Do you want an African nation’s currency on our exchange, we will get it.

What will be the KYC policy?

Answer: What is KYC? Wait let me google it.

Ah, know your customer. Nope, we don’t need to know who you are. It is okay. Just come and trade, no KYC needed.

What are the fees?

Answer: Do we need fees for trading? We don’t. No fees for life.

How will Coin Crunch make money?

Answer: We will do an Initial Coin Offering. Then we will be pumping that coin from the funds we receive from investors. This will drive people to buy our coin more and then we will dump it on the plebs. We will make money by repeating this every 3-6 months.

Is this for real?

Answer: Only a fool can say otherwise.

When is the launch?

Answer: Well, much like all our other projects, it may take atleast a year to launch. So maybe, April 01, 2021. That is if we all survive the Covid19 Pandemic.

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